Nick Newman

‘Can you bite my nails? I’m a vegetarian.’

Nails

Nick Newman 21 June 2018 1:00 pm

‘This is the new runway for drunk BA pilots.’

Runway

Nick Newman 14 June 2018 1:00 pm

‘The tower’s fine but the country’s collapsing.’

Leaning tower

Nick Newman 7 June 2018 1:00 pm

‘We have a specious relationship.’

Trade war

Nick Newman 7 June 2018 1:00 pm

GDPR

Nick Newman 31 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘We found a wood-burning stove hidden in your cocaine.’

Wood burner

Nick Newman 31 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘... as the bishop said to the actress.’

Bishop

Nick Newman 24 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘I liked the way she didn’t hug me.’

Wax work

Nick Newman 17 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘My millennial sexbot wants to remain celibate.’

Sexbot

Nick Newman 10 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘It’s safer than putting it in TSB.’

TSB

Nick Newman 3 May 2018 1:00 pm

‘Hello again...’

Back to the

Nick Newman 26 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Storks went out ages ago.’

Deliveroo

Nick Newman 26 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘I’m the war correspondent for Playboy.’

Trump

Nick Newman 19 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘On second thoughts, I’ll give porridge theft a miss.’

Cottage

Nick Newman 12 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘We need an expert on the dangers of computers. Send for Damian Green!’

Cobra

Nick Newman 5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Australia would be great if it weren’t for all the cheats.’

Oz cricket

Nick Newman 5 April 2018 1:00 pm

‘Let’s hope this celebration of chocolate isn’t hijacked by religion.’

Eggs

Nick Newman 28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Now he knows what it’s like to be in a black hole.’

Hawking

Nick Newman 28 March 2018 2:00 pm

‘Relax – the Novichok will get you before the cyber attack.’

Virus

Nick Newman 22 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘Is that Mike Pompeo’s welcome or leaving card?’

Good luck

Nick Newman 15 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘We’ve got you off your stabilisers — next performance-enhancing drugs.’

Drugs

Nick Newman 8 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘Was the lecture cancelled due to snow or snowflakes?’

Snowflakes

Nick Newman 8 March 2018 3:00 pm

Triggers

Nick Newman 1 March 2018 3:00 pm

‘They’re easier to come by than chickens.’

KFP

Nick Newman 1 March 2018 3:00 pm

Molementum

Nick Newman 22 February 2018 3:00 pm

« 1 … 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 »

Close