Peter Dutton needs to take some inspiration from American rapper, Eminem. Eminem doesn’t give a toss what people think of him and his Slim Shady character is no stranger to standing up.

Eminem is a rapper. He’s not a girl guide. Peter Dutton was a copper. But now’s not the time to embrace that Keir two-tier nonsense.

Coppers often struggle to move from the executive arm of government to the legislature. Not because they pussy-foot about… Coppers struggle because the law is the law. There’s no, ‘Oh, my dog ate my Budget and caused a $1 trillion deficit!’

Seriously, who does that? When I was a kid, the cops would give you a smack on the arse quick as look at you. Then your parents would line up to do the same after the coppers brought you home.

So, will the real Peter Dutton please stand up? Seriously, you’re a cop. You don’t take crap from anyone. Before you lead the nation, we want to see your strength tried out on Albanese … but on steroids.

Yet you seem to be losing, if the polls are to be believed. Sometimes that happens. Maybe it is time you do what cops do and fight like nothing else matters. Fight for the right … and bring the Liberal Party with you for the ride.

Here’s what I reckon you should do.

Start by calling out Albo whenever he says anything is ‘impordand’, especially about guvvie housing. Around the same time, my mum and dad were working two jobs a piece with no guvvie nothin’. Living his life in the government’s embrace – Albo is a leaner not a lifter.

Next, go after Chris Bowen. Make him say ‘noo-ka-lee-are’ over and over, then tell him he is a moron, too. Then tell Australians that nuclear is the biggest ‘oh der’ ever. And call out anyone who says otherwise. If it’s Bowen, tell him twice.

Then get Clare O’Neil to tell you how many homes she has built (it’s zero), then ask her how much is $10 billion divided by 100,000. Then tell her she’s havin’ a laugh if she thinks she can build 100,000 homes at $100,000 each in 2025. Nobody could do that in 1995, let alone 30 years later.

But don’t stop there. Get a big cigar and smoke it while you are quoting that kid from Kindergarten Cop who knew how to distinguish men from women. Blow smoke in the face of any political rival who disagrees and add a little, ‘Trust the science…’ for good measure.

You have the moral high ground, Dutton. Be the real Pete Shady. Everyone is sick of this Labor-Green stupidity. But they won’t trust you unless you (please) stand up.

Now this looks like a job for me, so everybody, just follow me, cause we need a little controversy, ‘cause it feels so empty without me! Hooah!

You get the idea.

Albo and his nonsense wouldn’t stand a chance! And if this creates a monster:

‘…guess who’s back, guess who’s back, guess who’s back… Nobody wants to see Albo no more… While he’s flashing his Medicare card while he gets shocked at the hospital while the doctors say he’s not cooperating while he’s flashing his Medicare card on the table while I’m operating but Albo’s not cooperating…’

Dutt Dutt’s back, yes, he’s back…