Whether you are a university student, a parent, or working your way up the business ladder, it is essential that you have great listening skills. It may sound like an obvious statement, and one that is easily dismissed, but addressing your bad listening skills will benefit your everyday life. Active listening is a thing, and most of us should mindfully practice it. Whether you are a good listener, or find yourself tuning out and missing the point during a conversation, there are ways that you can become a better listener.
Active listening can be defined as the ability to concentrate and interpret what the other person is saying. It is being there in the moment and engaging your mind to what is being said to you, whether as an individual or in a group. But how often have you been in a conversation and you realise you have tuned out? Or your university lecturer, or work colleague, was making an important point, only for you to miss it? If you are a chronic bad listener, life can become very hard, or even dangerous.
Doctors and paramedics need to listen very carefully to each patient to form a diagnosis in a short space of time. If they let their minds wander at a crucial moment, the patient’s wellbeing could be compromised. Or, you may have finally decided to join the volunteer lifesavers at your local beach club. An essential part of lifesaving is training for your Bronze Medallion and first-aid training. If you are in the habit of constantly daydreaming, your ability to successfully complete the courses will be harder, especially during exam time, and your proficiency in providing first-aid will be compromised because your mind and concentration wasn’t in the room.
To become an active listener, the first step is to prepare yourself for the social situation before it starts, by reminding yourself that you will try to concentrate. If you feel yourself drifting – which you will, bring yourself back to the centre, and re-focus. The more you do it, the better you will become.
Active listening also comes in the form of nonverbal communication. It is important to engage your powers of observation when practising active listening. Nonverbal communications include facial expressions, body language, and even in the way we dress. A smile or a frown are universal communications that can be displayed with or without a verbal context. When a friend talks to you, they might scowl and raise their hands, with fingers pointing skyward. These expressions might add to an anecdote about something that really bothered them.
Our voices are also an important translator of a message. When in conversation, notice how the pitch of the other’s voice and the intonations change as they express their message. When they are talking about a humorous event, their voice will have an obvious excitement, and their tone will be of a higher pitch. Their body language will follow with smiles and laughter, with hands waving in a non-threatening manner. All of these mannerisms are on show, combined with the verbal context so that the message is clear to the recipient of the information.
On the flip side, someone who is annoyed or angry at another person will look straight at the perceived offender with a serious expression, or scowl. They will often use a lower tone as they verbalise one-word sentences such as, ‘STOP. THAT. NOW.’ The message is very clear, even for the poor listeners who might otherwise miss the point.
There are barriers to listening, and understanding them is the key to becoming a better listener. One such barrier is our own mental ‘background’ noise. Our thoughts often wander and move into daydream mode. This is especially true during a drawn-out work meeting, or while being in the audience at a hosted event. If you feel yourself breaking off, do things that will bring your focus back to the room. Take notes, watch the speaker, be mindful of the changes in their voice. They might be making an important point and you don’t want to miss it. These are cues that you need to pick up on so you, as the receiver, understand the message.
Another obvious barrier to active listening is the physical noise from our environment. You might be in a busy open-plan office, with noisy conversations around you. It might be music, or road traffic, or packed tables at a restaurant. If the noise is overwhelming, you might need to move to somewhere quieter. But often, even a little noise is enough for some people to become distracted. If you are mindful of the noise, and can clearly hear the other person, you can employ your focus on the interaction and conversation you are involved in. Don’t allow the background noise to stop you from listening to the other person’s message.
Active listening is a technique most of us have to practice. Combined with observing the other person’s body language, gestures, and tone, it helps you to interpret their message more accurately. And whether it is your partner, lecturer, or boss doing the talking, you improve your chances of not missing an important point and being emotionally present in the room. If you feel you are not a good listener, emotionally prepare by being mindful about your approach to the next conversation. Engage your ears, your eyes, and your mind. By becoming an active listener, you will, in fact, improve your life immensely.
