I can just imagine it. Anthony Albanese, brow furrowed, his poisonous tongue flittering in concentration, grasps a mauve crayon. Scribbled on the butcher’s paper before him is a rectangular outline. Suddenly, he is daunted again; the possibilities are endless, and he casts a fleeting glance to the carpet of discarded designs around him. The sweat of his untrustworthy, lukewarm hand muddies his grip. He falters, lost in the moment, and then recoils in ecstasy! Touched by the Muses, he begins, unleashing furious creativity, sketching as no creature upon this earth has ever dared to sketch before. And when he is satisfied, he gesticulates in triumph towards his completed magnum opus. He turns to his conspirator: ‘Jimmy, Jimmy, how ‘bout this one?’

Jimmy, unimpressive as ever, waddles over. He pouts, studying this grand prime ministerial production. ‘Now, see, Albo, I like it. Yep. I really do. Great character. Very clear message. But, Albo, mate. Do you think Aussies are gonna cop it?’

‘Oh, they are, Jimmy.’ With that habitual smirk, Albanese raises his redesigned five-dollar banknote. Where once had featured the effigy of Queen Elizabeth II blazes a blood-red hammer and sickle. ‘They ain’t gonna have a choice.’

I should afford our Prime Minister more respect. The trouble is, though, he does not command my respect. He has not earned it. And I would strongly suggest that, following his decision yesterday to ultimately remove the Crown from our five-dollar note, he does not command the respect of the majority of this country.

Let’s briefly revisit events leading up to that decision. Her Late Majesty passed away last year on September 8. Less than twenty-four hours later, the Reserve Bank of Australia issued a statement saying it fully expected His Majesty would replace his mother on the five-dollar note. Towards the end of 2022, however, both Jim Chalmers and Andrew Leigh began to spit the dummy, agitating for change. And, as of yesterday, change we have – before a referendum.

To be very clear, this is not a decision ultimately made by the Reserve Bank of Australia. The Reserve Bank cannot make a decision of this scale independent of the Department of Treasury. Last November, during a session of the Economics Legislation Committee, it emerged from Reserve Bank Deputy Governor Michele Bullock that Governor Philip Lowe was ‘consulting with [Jim Chalmers] on what the bank should do’, despite categorically stating in an initial letter to Chalmers that ‘the design of the banknote is typically the Reserve Bank of Australia’s responsibility’. Senator Dean Smith’s eye-opening interrogation is all here.

We may definitively conclude that the Prime Minister himself, unless his treasurer has gone rogue, has directed the Governor of the Reserve Bank of Australia to mint a new five-dollar note, featuring not the Sovereign of Australia but rather something that celebrates Indigenous culture. And yet the public line is, ‘This is the lone doing of the Reserve Bank’. The bank itself even perpetuates the lie:

‘The Reserve Bank has decided to update the $5 banknote to feature a new design that honours the culture and history of the First Australians. This new design will replace the portrait of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. The other side of the $5 banknote will continue to feature the Australian Parliament.’

Well, here’s my counter-proposal. We know that 60 per cent of Australians, according to Roy Morgan’s independent polling, support the retention of our constitutional monarchy. An incontestable majority of Australians want their king on their five-dollar note – and that goes for 58 per cent of Labor voters, too. We also know that roughly 3.3 per cent of the country are Indigenous or identify as Indigenous. But I firmly believe that 0 per cent of this country holds the respect it once did for the Parliament of Australia. If something has to be ripped off our fiver, let’s start with the image of Parliament House, that back-slapping gesture to the Canberra Bubble and ominous reminder that politicians are forever nested in our wallets and purses.

I am quite certain that the Prime Minister would rather see physical currency phased into the abyss before he sanctioned the removal of his beloved Parliament from the five-dollar note. And that’s telling, because now we may resolve that this decision is less about promoting Indigenous culture and more about destroying the national symbols representative of Australia’s constitutional monarchy.

The Voice to Parliament referendum is a trial run for a later republic referendum. I repeat, as Neville Bonner might have: the Voice to Parliament referendum is a trial run for a later republic referendum. It is a test to see if we are foolish enough to sign a blank cheque. For if we sign a blank cheque for a republic, that republic will be designed to the exact specifications of the only people who stand to benefit from it: politicians. ‘Monarchy can easily be debunked,’ wrote the prophetic C. S. Lewis, ‘but watch the faces, mark well the accents of the debunkers’. The contemporary threat in Australia is very real. Both Linda Burney and Mark Dreyfus have already stated on separate occasions that any details pertaining to constitutional reform are a ‘matter for the Parliament’. In other words, not a matter for the Australian people. ‘Parliament is supreme,’ declared the Attorney-General. No, sir, that burden lies with the Crown of Australia, worn atop the head of His Majesty The King, who is represented in absentia by the Governor-General. And thank God it is so.

We are, however, under the leadership of a man who, in 1991, featured in Communist Party of Australia propaganda and praised those ‘comrades who struggled before us’. We are under the leadership of a man who, knowing full well the consequences but opting to champion his corrupted ideology instead, deliberately allowed social restrictions in Alice Springs to expire. We are under the leadership of a man who has Australian blood on his hands.

We are under the leadership of a charlatan. We were told it was ‘nonsense’ that Kevin Rudd would be Australia’s next man in Washington. We were told during the 2022 federal election campaign that household energy bills would decrease, not increase. And, above all, we were told that no moves towards a republic would be made in Anthony Albanese’s first term as the 31st Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia. Now, we have an Assistant Minister for the Republic about to embark on a taxpayer-funded, nationwide tour of indoctrination.

And now, our five-dollar note has been forever debased. For all we know, the hammer and sickle is just one direction away.

Write your local member. Call into your favourite shock jock. Join the Australian Monarchist League. Whatever it is, hear my plea as a twenty-three-year-old: I beg you, stand up for Australia. Australia is dying.

Alexander Voltz is a composer and Spokesperson for the Australian Monarchist League. He is a member of the Liberal Party.