At long last, there is a case for social reform that I can support. I do not normally get behind the never-ending campaigns inflicted on us these days to abolish some alleged evil or promote some hidden virtue, all under the dubious catchcry that it would be a ‘reform’. In fact, most reforms in my lifetime have made things decidedly worse. But now, a true cause has emerged that I support with every fibre of my being. It is long overdue, and the evidence for it is overwhelming. In fact, I am so convinced about the urgent need for reform that I plan to give up my day job and devote myself full-time to its success.

So I am joining with others who want to put an end to the increasing rudeness in shops, schools, airports, hospitals, on public transport and wherever the public comes into contact with employees. And we are going to campaign not only against the rudeness that has emerged as a regular feature of our life, but the ridicule, hostility, harassment, aggression, belittlement, discrimination, and even threats of violence. The innocent victims of these evils have to be protected and we must stop this toxic atmosphere from spreading.

Yes, it is beyond argument that it is time we stood up to the serried ranks of rude shop assistants, arrogant waiters, belligerent call centre staff, obnoxious students, indifferent airline employees, evasive insurance agents and all the rest of them that make our lives a misery. We need protection, not for employees but from them.

Let me tell you how the need for this reform arose. I started to notice, at the distinguished age of 83, that when I went to cafés, I was being greeted by underlings with the caustic remark ‘Hullo, young man’. When they wanted to concoct a false air of bonhomie, they would smirk and alternate their so-called welcome with ‘young fellow’. We all know what they mean by this, and it is not ‘young’. What they mean is: ‘You decrepit old fool. What are you doing here? This café is for the swinging young with tattoos and mobile telephones and not for broken-down relics like you.’ They make it sound as if they own the place and that it is a great concession on their part to allow you on the premises, let alone serve you and condescend to take your money. In other words, it is aggressive age discrimination. When they get into the swing of things they move into advanced harassment with ‘What do you want? No, you can’t have it with avocado. The chef said so.’ If you survive till the end of the meal, they move into intimidation mode with ‘What about the tip?’ And all accompanied with a threatening glare. And they get away with it because their employers are so intimidated that they dare not make the slightest objection to their employees intimidating the customers.

So, you can see how the case for reform emerged with such clarity and urgency. It is time that the public rose like one man against the mass of servants whose only mission is to be as openly aggressive and hostile as they can get away with and to put you back in your rightful place. It is time we united to stop this wholesale abuse and received the respect we deserve.

Take schools, now obviously run by aggressive students. Teachers are putty in their hands, like the weak-willed parents who condone and encourage such belligerence. In Melbourne recently, a schoolboy was caught using a gambling app in class and when asked by the teacher to cease this indulgence, he was rewarded with a whack on the neck, from behind! Yes, there is certainly a need for reform to stop these physical attacks in schools, meaning attacks from pupils, not teachers.

Gym and fitness instructors are another condescending class devoted relentlessly to belittling their clients. And it is everywhere. Look at the siege we are under from telephone call centres, laughingly called help centres. If you call one, you will receive, not help, but a disembodied voice telling you that your call has been placed in a queue, which they mean is where you should be, and you are obviously mentally deficient for expecting to talk to a human being anyway. And to show that Big Brother is listening and the business is used to dealing with people like you, you are told that all calls are recorded, so watch your tongue, a flagrant restriction on freedom of speech. If you find an employee who can speak English, you will be told that whatever you want, you can’t have it. Why? It is company ‘policy’.

The ‘policy’ excuse is worse with airlines, where it is an impertinence to ask if the flight might conceivably depart and arrive on time or if they might make a token effort not to lose your luggage. Making a booking for the theatre or an event is also a daunting and hostile experience. You have to agree in advance to a privacy policy which guarantees you have no privacy and are forced to share your private information with every scammer in Russia.

If an employer dares suggest that employees turn up on time, dress better than Third World refugees, keep a civil tongue in their head or even do some work, he gets a sullen refusal and the threat of a class action for harassment. And don’t even think of offering to pay cash when the next internet breakdown occurs. Why? ‘We don’t take cash.’

Of course, the inevitable backlash against our reform has produced a rash of threatening notices in service stations and the like, where you are warned that if you have the audacity to ask for a little service, you run the risk that they will call in the Human Rights Commission.

So there it is. In the words of John Hewson’s economic policy of 1993, we reformers say with one voice: Fight back!