Clear your schedule, pop some corn, and settle your tush into your favourite chair, because I am about to both delight and disgust you with the most absurdly petty, juvenile, and downright moronic piece of nanny-state governmental garbage ever put to paper.

I present to you the Communications Legislation Amendment (Combatting Misinformation and Disinformation) Bill 2023.

Here’s the quick and dirty for those who do not wish to torture themselves reading the whole miserable thing.

The ACMA has a graduated set of powers in relation to misinformation and disinformation on certain kinds of digital platform services. The ACMA may make digital platform rules requiring digital platform providers to keep records and report to the ACMA on matters relating to misinformation and disinformation on digital platform services. The ACMA may obtain information, documents, and evidence from digital platform providers and others relating to those matters. 

Why is this an issue? Because the Australian government intends to fine social media companies millions of dollars if they don’t bend the knee to our government’s digital totalitarian rule. Putting the glare of Sauron’s blazing eye to shame, the Australian eSafety Commissioner has plagiarised every work of dystopian fiction with the suggestion that Australians may find their online experience filtered through the lens of government-approved news and entertainment.

These rules are not for everyone. Page 5, Line 11 details who is automatically excluded from this new paragon of truth and justice: ‘professional news content’ and ‘content that is authorised by the Commonwealth, and/or state’.

Did we not learn our lesson when the Ministry of Magic in Harry Potter tried to cover up the return of Voldemort?

Remember how in 2020-21 period commercial broadcasters received a 100 per cent rebate of their Commercial Broadcasting Tax obligations for a period of 12 months? I certainly do. The same people who got tax breaks were busy creating premium quality fear porn. Some media networks willfully censored or under-reported on those who raised opposition to lockdowns and mandates. These are the same businesses likely to be exempt from these misinformation laws.

As if to prove my exact point, here’s a quote that you might not have heard. During the US House Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Pandemic, Dr. Marty Makary – a British-American surgeon, professor at John Hopkins, author, and medical commentator – said the following:

‘The greatest perpetrator of misinformation during the pandemic has been the United States government.’

Australia and the United States are in a hotly contested race to see which of our nominal democracies is the most corrupt. The American people have 300 plus years of experience in governmental deception and have therefore engineered some baseline safeguards that demand a degree of finesse from any enterprising cadre of authoritarian psychopaths. Australia, by contrast, is like a toddler violently and gracelessly shoving a square peg into a circular hole. When ordinary Australians speak out against government overreach, our response is not exactly nuanced.

This bill is a case of rules for thee and not for me…

Pg 6, Line 7 feels like it was written by a group of loveless, middle-aged, post-menopausal women, knee-deep in their own private oceans of cat hair and kitty litter.

Harm means any of the following: 

(a) hatred against a group in Australian society on the basis of ethnicity, nationality, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, religion, or physical or mental disability;

(b) disruption of public order or society in Australia;

(c) harm to the integrity of Australian democratic processes or of Commonwealth, State, Territory, or local government institutions;

(d) harm to the health of Australians;

(e) harm to the Australian environment;

(f) economic or financial harm to Australians, the Australian economy, or a sector of the Australian economy.

Is this a prank? Where are the cameras, Ashton? According to this nonsense, sharing a mean-spirited meme could literally cause harm to the health and welfare of Australians. Somehow. It is not backed up with evidence.

It makes you wonder what they are teaching in school to end up with a proposal like this. Whatever happened to sticks and stones? It’s such a simple concept, and such an important life lesson – one that even a child can understand and then apply to their adult life:

It is not the word that causes harm, but the context and intent behind the word that causes harm.

If you do not know or understand the context behind it, then the word itself is meaningless. Words, ideas, images, etc, cannot cause harm.

In truth, this proposal is like something pulled out of a child’s mind, poorly formed and not fit to be published. It is an embarrassment to the concept of critical thinking.

The Head of the Australian Security Intelligence Organisation (ASIO), said Australia is facing ‘an unprecedented challenge from espionage and foreign interference’ that Australians probably do not fully appreciate but that they need to be aware of as it is damaging the nation’s ‘security, democracy, sovereignty, economy, and social fabric’.

I’m sorry Mister Wolf, I didn’t know you identified as a sheep. Forgive me for assuming that because you have razored fangs of a carnivore, you might pose a danger to the flock.

You will bow down to the ACMA, and you will bow down to The Authority. (Yes, that is what they chose to call themselves.)