If you wanted a political movement to succeed, the very last thing you’d do is wage war against pizza. You might as well ban bacon or put chocolate under rationing. This is how revolutions begin, or at least, it used to be back when the public had a spine.
Having successfully legalised the theft of people’s domestic gas supply in the name of ‘health’ and ‘climate change’, New York City has turned its authoritarian eye on its famous pizzerias.
Sure, New York City has a crime and drug problem which they ‘solve’ by not arresting people, and maybe they should think about addressing the homelessness problem with over 66,000 sleeping rough – to put that in perspective, it would be like having the entirety of Wagga Wagga dotted around Sydney’s streets at night.
Nah. Those problems sound tricky.
New York City has decided to focus on its 75 per cent carbon reduction target by painting wood-fired pizza ovens as climate criminals.
One man felt inclined to tell those in charge exactly what he thought of this move by delivering a pile of pizzas to the New York City Hall.
‘Pizzas for the mayor…’ he said, then added, ‘The Woke-ass idiots who run this city are doing everything in their power to destroy it.
‘We have naked men with their titties bouncing around all over this city yesterday in public, in front of children.
‘We have the most violent rise in crime rate ever.
‘We are being invaded by illegal immigrants who are being treated way better than our homeless veterans and teachers and first responder heroes who were fired – and still not compensated – because they didn’t take the Fauci injection.
‘Our city schools produce the dumbest kids.
‘And the Woke-ass punks who run New York City are afraid of pizza? The world used to respect New Yorkers as tough, thick-skinned, and gritty. […] Give us pizza, or give us death… New York City is nothing without pizza.’
At which point he started throwing pizza over the fence.
The bizarre and idiotic demand to attack wood-fired pizzas originated in the New York City Department of Environmental Protection. They want to force anyone who bought a wood-fired pizza oven after 2016 to fit it with some Net Zero scrubber that a mate of a mate of a third-cousin is probably making some kind of profit on.
‘All New Yorkers deserve to breathe healthy air and wood and coal-fired stoves are among the largest contributors of harmful pollutants in neighbourhoods with poor air quality,’ said the Department’s spokesman, no doubt perched on his fluffy elitist cloud loitering high above the city.
No plans to ban private jets and helicopter rides, I’m guessing?
‘This common sense rule, developed with restaurant and environmental justice groups, requires a professional review of whether installing emissions controls is feasible.’
‘Justice groups’? ‘Common sense’?
Elon Musk rightly wrote it off saying, ‘This is utter BS. It won’t make a difference to climate change.’
Musk missed the point. These ventures are a display of rising power by environmental departments. They are flexing the legal muscles, seeing how far they can push the law until it breaks. Every time they are empowered they will react the same way as a dictator inching toward the next tasty-looking slice of map.
‘You take away the char, the thing that makes the pizza taste great, you kill it,’ complained one disheartened owner.
Don’t worry, champ. Wood-fired bug pizza approved by the World Economic Forum probably tastes the same as puritanical electric grilled bug pizza. People will line up for it anyway to cash in their carbon credits, such is the future we have planned out for us if we keep bowing to this nonsense.
We saw how out of hand local legislators became with Covid rules, what makes anyone think the same people will behave themselves while basking in the power of the carbon apocalypse?
When they said ‘Net Zero will create jobs’, this is probably what they meant with restaurants furious at the costs involved. Not only is the upfront $20,000-ish too much for struggling businesses, these devices require regular servicing by special maintenance operators. Businesses also have to hire an architect to survey their site – all of this adding to the cost that the virtuous department has no intention of forking out for.
No, this won’t be paid for by the virtue-signalling university students either – although they might start complaining about the rising cost of pizza and accuse business owners of being evil exploitative capitalists.
Never fear, ‘only’ 100 pizzerias will be impacted. Only 100 businesses that might be pushed off the edge because of an exercise in mindless political virtue. Only 100.
Remember, it’s pizza destroying the planet – not the war in Europe or China’s endless abyss of filth-spewing factories.
No. We shall save the world by killing off the wood-fired pizza.
As one commenter on the Daily Mail remarked: ‘Let them eat crickets.’
Interestingly, we were warned about this half-way through last year. National Geographic ran an article titled: Climate change is coming for your pizza sauce.
It was the usual nonsensical mumbling about how climate change is going to kill tomatoes in California. Another article from The Hill described pizza sauce as climate change’s ‘next victim’.
The tomatoes are doing just fine. The real climate reapers are the bureaucrats in government departments and their anti-pizza agenda.
Flat White is written and edited by Alexandra Marshall.
